everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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