help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
