remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
