He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
