i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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