I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
