threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
