the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
