Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
