do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
