You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
