based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
