Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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