I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
