sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize