R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
