Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
