I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize