It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
