idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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