My Higher Power is John Stamos
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
