sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
