She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
