I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
