There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm sobbing to NWA
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
