i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
