I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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