Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
