how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I deserve this hangover.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
