I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
