About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
