can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
