i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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