Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
