I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
