sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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