I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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