So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just invented taco cereal.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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