i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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