There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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