I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
