I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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