I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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