im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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