Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
