1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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