well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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