Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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