Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
