I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
