I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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