I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
