This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
