My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
