bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
