I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
