it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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