dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
