Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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