I think my fart just growled at me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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