I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
