she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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