Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
