Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
