DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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