I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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