I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
