just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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