??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
