Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
