just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
