Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Congratulations! We have a period
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
